X O X O

friedectoplasm:

“You know, I look at you and it’s funny, you don’t remind me of myself exactly but you remind me of a certain time I remember what I used to think love was then; that it was like fireworks, the explosions, the highlights, but it is not. It’s time: to go through the seasons together through change through the ups and downs, to be able to look at your beloved and say, “We did that together as one, we chose each other above all things.” That’s love. It’s unexplainable. It’s a secret that can only be known once you’ve done the time.” — Dark Harbor

I saw a post earlier noting the that 5x24 finds her washed-out, exhausted, almost cold in her address to Chuck. It’s a theme for the greater part of Season Five, particularly post-collision, that the Waldorf half of furniture interactions are subdued. I called it a ‘dead-eyed fascination’ when I scribbled something down about 5x15, and what I meant there was that yes, there was something lacking in it, a sudden gap in normal levels of Blair animation, but also transfixed on Chuck Bass’s appearance, so much more than merely looking at that damn boy. There’s a phrase: ‘I hung on his every word.’ I think this is the more nuanced equivalent, where Blair looks enthralled, but not with missish lovesickness, not doe-eyed and easy; this is how you look at someone when they’re your greatest fear and your heart’s desire.

Something more complicated is going on in that last casino scene, but related. Waldorf willpower, again: this is Blair at her beautiful best, when she knows what she wants and that she’s going to get it. The same thing was responsible for her stillness the past ten episodes, too – the part of her that could refute him, even him, still in control until the very end. (5x11: “Some things are more powerful than even you.” Yes, an omnipotent god might apply there, but demonstrably so does Blair’s resolve.) I like it. I like that she’s cool, calm, collected. I love her outfit, glamorous but not casually so, not trapping him, not opting for décolleté, alluring as a total package, not metonyms, not exposed parts, cleavage and forever legs. It’s not that those things would be bad, per se, but I like that she has her hair down, but away from her face; her outfit conservative, but flashy as hell; because it feels like no emphasis is being put on any individual aspect of Blair. But she is Blair. And he is Chuck. And so even without signature accessories, they both look so very much like themselves.

I’m digressing. What I meant to say is that this stillness, here – briefly broken by a mini-lift of her eyebrows, and ended in a little, soft, serene smile – feels right. I would have snarled if she’d waltzed in, given him a megawatt grin, flicked invisible fuzzies off his shoulders, taken the casino over in a sudden fit of femme fatale glory, because it would have been such presumptuous body language. She is sure of herself. (Finally.) She is not wheedling him, she is not treating him as if his answer will be obvious, she is not acting as if this is a done-deal. It is an honest offer of herself, vulnerable, but no small thing. I think it is the kind of presentation you make to someone who knows you, who understands the full extent of you, who doesn’t need you to make yourself smaller, or larger, or anything, really, beyond yourself. It is how you look at someone when you have shared a history, when you might also share a future. Chuck’s façade matches hers, after a slightly more dramatic glance at her appearance – but it’s also typical to their relationship, an abrupt and open shock at seeing her, disrupting the daily run of smirking Bassness. He looks like he might smile, which prompts the aforesaid eyebrow raise; and then he looks on the spot, uncertain, but just as Blair really looked at Chuck, beyond garden-variety observation, Chuck really looks at her. Which is such a poor way to put it, but whatever. ‘Beholding’ is a better term: truly trying to understand, to see one another.

So no, it’s not smiles, and kisses, and cupcakes, and rainbows. It ain’t softcore. It’s not happy. It’s secretive, and yet open – two people still searching one another after all this time. They’ve grown up, and with that maturity comes confidence, but also knottiness, a new nuance to the way they’ve been trading glances. A complicated scene between two complicated people. And I think that’s exactly how it should be.

(via this-time-im-all-in)